Nobody Knows

I haven't added to this blog in a few days but I know I should be writing. As I've said before it is therapy for me and right now I feel myself slipping back into that pit. The pit of depression and despair. The place where all I can think is "why me" and "if you only knew" and "nobody knows the trouble I've seen".

Tonight we sat in Bible study and talked about relationships and forgiveness. The woman on the DVD talked about forgiving the man who was responsible for her son's death and I began to cry. When it was over we were led in discussion questions. I wanted to share what was going on in my head but who would understand?

I remember sharing with Christians in small groups before. I began to talk about our family and the difficult times we've had with our RADlets. Most of them just sat silently, mouth open with that "deer in the headlight" look in their eyes. They didn't know what to say.

Tonight I decided that it was best not to share at all but ended up crying all the way home. My poor husband.......

Right now we are in a situation that might even lead us to be witnesses in a court case. I am upset with the authorities in this case. I do not believe they are doing the right thing. When I was talking to my best friend about it she said she would pray for them. I said I probably should too but I don't want to! I haven't forgiven them yet nor do I have any desire to.

Yes, I know this is a bad attitude and God is working on me. Someday, I pray that I will be able to forgive.......for their sake and for mine.