Living With Commentators

It happened again today. I was asked "the question". No, it has nothing to do with my age (I'll be 43 this month) or even my weight (all I'll say about that is I'm 20lbs less than I was at Christmas!). This question has to do with my children and seems to be a favorite of those just getting to know our blended family.

An acquaintance looked at my daughter this evening and said, "Isn't she 'yours'?" What she meant was, "Isn't she one of your biological children?" "Did you give birth to her?" "She looks like you." But she didn't know how to express it without using that possessive language. You see I have worked very, very hard to let my kids (ALL my kids) know that they are mine. We are one family and I don't like them to hear people talk about my biological kids as "mine" and the others as "adopted".

Adoption creates unique challenges and stresses, so does having a large family. Many people we don't know very well, or even at all feel like they can ask questions and make comments on our family. We get things like...."Are they all yours?" "Are any of them related?" "How do you do it?" "What about their "real" mom?" "Are you crazy?"

I guess no matter where you are in life there are commentators. It seems that the more different you are, the more you deviate from the norm; the more comments and questions you get from total strangers. And my family is definitely different. We are a large, adoptive, racially diverse, Christian, home school family. So, I suppose that those looking in from the outside are just curious.

When this happens I have chosen to correct the one asking instead of ignore it. I try to do this in love, without making the one questioning feel embarrassed. I do however want to educate them about more positive adoption language. Using terms like 'birth mom' instead of 'real mom' or 'birth child' instead of 'my own child' are just more pleasant for the adoptive families.

Now, allow me to clear things up for you......I have eight children. Yes, they are all mine even though I only birthed two of them. Yes, some of them are biologically related as well. Two of my girls are half Mexican and one girl is part Cherokee and then there is my little African American/Caucasian boy. The rest of us are European in decent (as far as I know). We adopted so many children because it was what God wanted us to do, and No, we are not crazy! On the other hand we are not saints either...........just Christians who were given a ministry and are doing their best to fulfill it. If you have any other questions that I didn't cover you'll have to e-mail me. I promise to answer honestly, but in love!