Friday, January 14, 2011

Giving It All To God

I showed the movie "Flywheel" to my small group last night. We just finished studying the book "Life's Healing Choices" by Jon Baker and I think "Flywheel" is a great example of a man going through all those choices. I love to end up that study with a viewing of this movie and each time I show it to a group I get the opportunity to see through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time.

Last night one particular line resonated with me. The movie is about a used car salesman that gives his life to the Lord. He even gives his car lot to God and says it's God's lot and if it goes under it's because the Lord allowed it. That kind of attitude is what I need. The attitude that says, God it's yours and what ever happens is something that You allow.

I have a son that is having difficulties. He is in need of help and we are in the process of trying to find him that help but we keep running into dead ends. I have worried and stressed over this til I've made myself sick. I need to let it go. I need to give my son over to God and realize that even when things don't appear (to me) to go right whatever is happening, God is allowing to happen and He has a reason. I would like to know that reason but in the end I trust God. He is God and I am not. He created my son, put him in my family and loves my son more than I ever could. He has my sons best interests in mind. I just can't see the whole picture from where I stand at the moment.

So today I will say, God my son is yours and if these efforts to help him fail it's because you allowed it. And tomorrow I will have to do the same thing.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Waiting on God

Have you ever been in a situation where you've prayed for direction and thought you had the answer from God only to find out that it's not? Have you ever waited on God to open doors then found one cracked open only to have it slam in your face when you tried to open it further? Have you had to wait years on God to show up in a situation and show you which way to turn?

Well, that's where we are now. We are waiting. We've been waiting for over three years now. Waiting on a job, waiting to see if we need to move, waiting on a placement for our son, waiting on my husband to finish a masters program, waiting on a better financial situation, waiting on our oldest to get it together, waiting on therapy, waiting to see if life will get any easier for us. It hasn't gotten easier. If anything the waiting has added stress.

I want to be one of those Christians that can just give it to God and not stress over it and I try. Praise God for His mercy and grace to forgive me again and again as I try to fix the problems and worry over the details. I am working on letting go and letting God handle's a process.

What I have figured out over the years is that God is still good and His timing is perfect!! He sees the big pictures and knows the ending to our story. He knows when to call in the cavalry and when to let us struggle. He know what we still need to learn through this situation. And He knows what will best bring Him glory and lead others to Him.

Sometimes others are lead to God by seeing the miracles and big things God does. But other times people are more likely to come to Him by seeing how Christians are able to praise God in bad situations. I'm trying to be the one who points others towards Christ as they see me struggle and still hold on to Him. From my standpoint it would be soooo much easier and better to have God show up and miraculously move these mountains in my life but however He is most glorified. I am willing.

I feel a bit guilty being so dramatic. My story is not a pretty one but I know it could be much worse and that there are many other Christians suffering more than me. There are those who are in danger of losing their life because they follow Christ and live in jeopardy every day. There are those who are living in an abusive situation or living with a debilitating disease or those who are homeless and struggling to just find food for themselves and their families.

Today I will again give my situation to God to take care of and try not to stress. Maybe tomorrow is the day God will open the door to a new and better future for me and my family.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Adoption Day

It has been a long time since I've written on here. Daily life this past year has been overwhelming, but now it's a new year with new opportunities and resolutions so I will once again try to put my thoughts, feeling and views here for those one or two followers to read. Mostly though I will write to try to find the healing that I long for.

Three years ago today we bundled up the family and drove to the court house to officially make our youngest son a Hopkins. We'd had him in our home and loved him and parented him for most of his life but 1/3/08 was the day it became legal. And the day that I gave a huge sigh of relief that he would remain in our home.

Seven months before Christian came into our lives we had adopted four older children and our family seemed to be divided in two. The kids had special loyalties to birth siblings and we just didn't seem like one family. But when we got this little three month old baby, he was every one's brother. We all spoiled him and loved him and cared for him as a family. His just being there made a huge difference.

We even had the opportunity to grieve together over him when he went back to live with his birth mom just after his first birthday. And God graciously gave us the privilege of celebrating his return to our family three months later.

Adoption Day is a big deal in our home. We celebrate every year how God put this family together. Today is Adoption Day for Christian and it will be celebrated by him getting his parents all to himself for an hour or two as we dine at a restaurant of his choice and reminisce about how God brought him to us.