Happy Birthday, Little Man

Tomorrow my youngest child will turn 5 years old. Hard for me to believe......yes, part of it is from the simple fact that it is hard to see the years fly by but his birthday also reminds me of the fact that he almost wasn't "ours". We had to give him back to his birth family and trust that God would return him to us. One of the most difficult times in my life.

This precious little, brown boy was born to the birth mother of another of our adopted children. We heard the news that she was pregnant during the same conversation that we found our she was in jail again.....something to do with drugs. Since this has always been an open adoption we kept in contact with the grandparents and mom (when she was not using). I remember telling the grandma that we would take the baby in should the mom be unable to care for him in any way. There was a question at the time about who the father was but at that moment on the phone in my kitchen I just knew he was going to be bi-racial, a boy and mine. It was as clear as if God Himself had just whispered this information into my ear.

The day he was born I took my daughter (his biological half-sister) to the hospital to see him. She was four at the time and not sure how this little guy fit into the family exactly but she was excited to hold him. Birth mom was doing well, she was in a drug rehab and was able to keep the baby with her. They even provided child care for her when she was required to attend meetings. I began to doubt.....maybe I hadn't heard from God, maybe it was just me that wanted him to be part of my family. So, we rejoiced with birth mom and her accomplishments.

We were very surprised when the phone rang three and a half months later telling us that birth mom left the little guy at the rehab and couldn't be found. Grandma was calling to ask if we would still take him. He was there within a few hours and fit just beautifully into the family. We were thrilled.

So, we found ourselves adjusting to car seats, diaper bags and nights with no sleep again and we loved it! He was a special gift from God especially to me. When things would get hard parenting my RADlets, I would take the baby off somewhere and rock him. Just being with this sweet little thing would bring back my motherly, nurturing side and I would be a better parent to all my children.

Eventually birth mom came back into the picture and began to change. I was so happy to see that. I didn't want anything bad for her but it was a very bitter sweet thing for me to watch because I always knew that there was the possibility that he would go back to her.

Just after his first birthday, this possibility became a reality and he left us to move back in with her. One of the saddest days in my life was the day I had to hand my little boy over to her and watch her walk out my back door. It literally made my heart hurt.

I was crying one day, grieving the loss of my little boy and I noticed that my husband didn't seem as upset. I didn't understand.........he had lost a son just the same as I had. When I asked him about it he told me that God had let him know that our little boy was coming home. We just had to wait. God is so good to us to give us these glimpses to fill us with hope and help us in our walk of faith.

It took two months til he was home with us again and another two years before the adoption was final but he is now officially and legally "ours"!! I can't imagine this family without him. He is such a special little guy. Right now he dreams of being a superhero and leading an army someday. We are just so thankful that God led him to us! So, Happy Birthday, little man!