Happy Birthday, Little Man

Tomorrow my youngest child will turn 5 years old. Hard for me to believe......yes, part of it is from the simple fact that it is hard to see the years fly by but his birthday also reminds me of the fact that he almost wasn't "ours". We had to give him back to his birth family and trust that God would return him to us. One of the most difficult times in my life.

This precious little, brown boy was born to the birth mother of another of our adopted children. We heard the news that she was pregnant during the same conversation that we found our she was in jail again.....something to do with drugs. Since this has always been an open adoption we kept in contact with the grandparents and mom (when she was not using). I remember telling the grandma that we would take the baby in should the mom be unable to care for him in any way. There was a question at the time about who the father was but at that moment on the phone in my kitchen I just knew he was going to be bi-racial, a boy and mine. It was as clear as if God Himself had just whispered this information into my ear.

The day he was born I took my daughter (his biological half-sister) to the hospital to see him. She was four at the time and not sure how this little guy fit into the family exactly but she was excited to hold him. Birth mom was doing well, she was in a drug rehab and was able to keep the baby with her. They even provided child care for her when she was required to attend meetings. I began to doubt.....maybe I hadn't heard from God, maybe it was just me that wanted him to be part of my family. So, we rejoiced with birth mom and her accomplishments.

We were very surprised when the phone rang three and a half months later telling us that birth mom left the little guy at the rehab and couldn't be found. Grandma was calling to ask if we would still take him. He was there within a few hours and fit just beautifully into the family. We were thrilled.

So, we found ourselves adjusting to car seats, diaper bags and nights with no sleep again and we loved it! He was a special gift from God especially to me. When things would get hard parenting my RADlets, I would take the baby off somewhere and rock him. Just being with this sweet little thing would bring back my motherly, nurturing side and I would be a better parent to all my children.

Eventually birth mom came back into the picture and began to change. I was so happy to see that. I didn't want anything bad for her but it was a very bitter sweet thing for me to watch because I always knew that there was the possibility that he would go back to her.

Just after his first birthday, this possibility became a reality and he left us to move back in with her. One of the saddest days in my life was the day I had to hand my little boy over to her and watch her walk out my back door. It literally made my heart hurt.

I was crying one day, grieving the loss of my little boy and I noticed that my husband didn't seem as upset. I didn't understand.........he had lost a son just the same as I had. When I asked him about it he told me that God had let him know that our little boy was coming home. We just had to wait. God is so good to us to give us these glimpses to fill us with hope and help us in our walk of faith.

It took two months til he was home with us again and another two years before the adoption was final but he is now officially and legally "ours"!! I can't imagine this family without him. He is such a special little guy. Right now he dreams of being a superhero and leading an army someday. We are just so thankful that God led him to us! So, Happy Birthday, little man!

Mine for Gold

People develop the same way gold is mined

Several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold.

But you don't go into the mine looking for dirt.

You go in looking for gold!

We have had a week of shoveling tons upon tons of dirt just to survive. We have had illness and injury and attitudes and problems but in the midst of this horrible week God has shown me some very precious gold dust that has been mined in my children's hearts.

My oldest son, now a young adult, left work to come sit with me in the hospital the day his sister passed out and had a seizure. My daughter and I were both surprised to see him. How awesome that he was so concerned that he would give up a day of pay to sit with his mom and sister.

As he sat with us he began to catch us up on his life. He is now living on campus so we don't see him much anymore and it had been a couple of weeks since we'd last sat down to really talk. He began by sharing what God was doing in his life...how he was starting a Bible study with his roommate, forming an accountability group with five of his other friends and of his call to become a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I couldn't believe what a change I was seeing in my boy.

You see, this is the same child that just a few months ago was rebelling and arguing every time I saw him. He was blaming others for his mistakes and making some very poor choices. My husband and I were beside ourselves trying to figure out what to do. We had birthed this particular child and for 18 years of his life we'd been there guiding him, helping him. Now he was fighting us for all he was worth.

In the end we decided to let go. He moved out and we began to PRAY. As a parent this has been the hardest thing to do. But apparently it was worth it. We were able to get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit do His work and what a work it has been!

Now, this is not going to be the end of this story. There is still plenty of dirt to be moved and hopefully lots more gold to be found but it is a wonderful beginning. And an awesome encouragement to my husband and I that there is hope for our other children....even the RADlets. They may have a little more dirt to sift through but then again there might even be a bit more gold there too.

The Writing on the Walls

Our oldest adopted child was adopted from foster care at age 10. As you can imagine he came to us with tons of baggage. So, when he began taking things from other people in the house, I wasn't surprised but I wanted to understand why he took things. He really didn't need to take things now, all his needs were provided for and he had things of his own like music players and toys. I soon learned that this was simply a coping mechanism that he uses when he gets stress.


As humans we find all kinds of ways to deal with the stress in our life. Some choose things like alcohol or drugs. Some choose some more socially acceptable methods like eating, shopping, watching TV, playing video games or hobbies. Some of these are healthy, some are not. But my son, for some reason, felt less stressed if he was plotting, stealing and hiding the things from us.


When he would take something we would tell him that what he took was no big deal........it's a thing that is replaceable. To us the big deal was the honesty and trust we needed from him. We would tell him that he needed practice in telling the truth and try to get him to confess. Most of the time this only led to a stand off between parents and child (probably not the best parenting technique, but we learn as we go). One stand off lasted days upon days upon days. Finally, when he returned what he'd taken, I handed it back to him and said, "Here, you can have it." He didn't take it from me so I sat it in a prominent place in his room and picked up a pen to write something on his wall. (I can hear the collective gasp from both of you who read this blog regularly) He was as puzzled as you and watching me with his mouth open. I wrote in large dark letters........."THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!!!!!"


That was not the only time I wrote on his wall. I wrote a personalized version of Jn 3:16 there so he would know that and understand that Jesus loves him. I wrote Jer 29:11 there so he would be reminded that God has a plan for his life....that includes hope! Every time a scripture applied to something that happened and I wanted him to remember it........I wrote it on his wall. By the time he moved from that room there were probably a dozen or more verses written graffiti style on his walls.


My son is changing rooms again next Friday and this treatment facility will allow him to decorate. I know that they would never allow writing on the walls but I am thinking how I can get the scriptures up where he will see them and read them. I'm thinking the other kids and I will be making a lot of posters for him to hang in his room.


Psalms tells us to hide God's word in our heart and if my son won't open a book to read it and get it into his heart..........maybe he will read the writing on the walls!!