I adore my mother. Honest, open, fair, generous, hospitable, talkative....these are all adjectives that describe my mom. But when she comes to my house things get stressful.
My mom and I are opposites in so many area. She is a "Martha" busy in the kitchen. I am a "Mary" visiting with the guests in the other room. She is neat and organized. I am a free spirit. She is the detail person. I'm the one with the big ideas. Both personalities have their good qualities but they are very different.
With eight kids, a husband and a plethora of animals, our house is rarely clean. It is not filthy and will not be condemned by the health department but it is not picked up either. My mothers house is always in order, always picked up with things rarely if ever out of place. When my mother comes to my house you can imagine why there is stress.
Even at age 43 I still want to make a good impression on my mother when she comes. I try my hardest to get things picked up and the house looking like there is some kind of order to it. When I begin this task, I feel overwhelmed and get cranky. This makes it hard for my kids to enjoy the anticipation of waiting for Mamaw and Papaw to get here from Florida.
When my children are told to help clean the house they will almost always ask, "Who's coming over?!" (OK, I realize that in and of itself shows that I have a housekeeping problem.) When they find out that Mamaw is coming the groan is loud and long. They know that this means even more cleaning and putting away than we would do for just a normal guest.
By reading the title, you may have figured out already what is going on in my house right now. My parents are on their way up North and we are getting ready. I have sounded the alarm, "My Mother is coming! My Mother is coming!" and the children are working as they groan.
I know that once she gets here all will be well. They love my mother as do I. We just don't like preparing for her arrival.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Missing Sherry
I believe that God puts people in out lives for a reason and sometimes just for a season. That's how it was with Sherry. Meeting her was definitely a "God Thing".
She, like everyone else in the church, noticed me pile into the pew in front of her with all my kids, week after week. My husband being the minister meant that Sundays were like single parent days for me. Unlike all the other church members, Sherry and her husband noticed little things about us as well...like the fact that my eyes seemed tired and my kids were just a little more rambunctious than others. She asked God how to help and got an answer she didn't expect.
During a sermon one Sunday she passed a note to me that read...."Can we take your kids home with us and bring them back tonight?" She explained that she felt God leading her to help me in this way. I was shocked but, at the time, that is exactly what I needed.....a break from the chaos. So, after the service, we handed our children over to a couple who had no children of their own and no real experience in the area of caring for kids.
As odd as it all seemed, my children quickly fell in love with Sherry and her husband. I believe the feeling was mutual because soon after that the kids began weekly visits at Sherry's house. We called these "Sherry Days". My week consisted of Sunday, Monday, Sherryday, Wednesday...etc.
Not only were the kids taken with Sherry but I was finding her to be a wonderful friend and found myself looking for excuses to go to her house without kids. We would talk or read the Bible together. And because she loved the outdoors we would find our selves in the garden or watching animals on her property. Those were wonderfully calming days in the midst of some very tough times.
During this difficult part of our journey, these two wonderful people became an extended family for us. They joined us for Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. This relationship was a breath of fresh air for me. Soooo much was going on with our RADlets, that I was feeling overcome and overwhelmed. God knew what I needed and in His goodness He provided.
But like many things God gives us, this was only for a season in our lives. Sherry got sick and the cancer made Sherrydays difficult. We drifted apart and although I try to keep in touch, it's just not the same. My home is much less chaotic now but still I miss those days and I miss Sherry. I understand that I don't NEED that time as much anymore. God gave me Sherry only for a season.
She, like everyone else in the church, noticed me pile into the pew in front of her with all my kids, week after week. My husband being the minister meant that Sundays were like single parent days for me. Unlike all the other church members, Sherry and her husband noticed little things about us as well...like the fact that my eyes seemed tired and my kids were just a little more rambunctious than others. She asked God how to help and got an answer she didn't expect.
During a sermon one Sunday she passed a note to me that read...."Can we take your kids home with us and bring them back tonight?" She explained that she felt God leading her to help me in this way. I was shocked but, at the time, that is exactly what I needed.....a break from the chaos. So, after the service, we handed our children over to a couple who had no children of their own and no real experience in the area of caring for kids.
As odd as it all seemed, my children quickly fell in love with Sherry and her husband. I believe the feeling was mutual because soon after that the kids began weekly visits at Sherry's house. We called these "Sherry Days". My week consisted of Sunday, Monday, Sherryday, Wednesday...etc.
Not only were the kids taken with Sherry but I was finding her to be a wonderful friend and found myself looking for excuses to go to her house without kids. We would talk or read the Bible together. And because she loved the outdoors we would find our selves in the garden or watching animals on her property. Those were wonderfully calming days in the midst of some very tough times.
During this difficult part of our journey, these two wonderful people became an extended family for us. They joined us for Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. This relationship was a breath of fresh air for me. Soooo much was going on with our RADlets, that I was feeling overcome and overwhelmed. God knew what I needed and in His goodness He provided.
But like many things God gives us, this was only for a season in our lives. Sherry got sick and the cancer made Sherrydays difficult. We drifted apart and although I try to keep in touch, it's just not the same. My home is much less chaotic now but still I miss those days and I miss Sherry. I understand that I don't NEED that time as much anymore. God gave me Sherry only for a season.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Longer Than I Expected
After our little "graduation celebration" with our therapist I was thinking that maybe this RADical journey of ours was close to an end. Most of our RADlets are like different children. Those who have met them in the last year would never ever believe the things we have had to live through. Our children are happy, healthy and generally fun to be around. They are far from perfect but now most of our issues are just normal kids things.
However there is still that one RADlet. He has decided that since he can't live at home with us he doesn't need us at all. He is trying very hard to get us, his family, out of his mind. Now, I guess, we are at a different part of the journey....a very challenging part. How do we let this RADlet know that we still love him and consider him a son? How do we make sure he feels a part of the family when we only see him once a week?.....when he won't even call home? At times I feel like giving up but I know I can't. I can't give in and give him what he wants. I have to hang in there and be creative in coming up ideas to help him feel like he is still part of the family...like he is still wanted.
I guess I'm learning that this RADical journey is a marathon. Although six years is a long time and was long enough for healing my other children, it was not long enough for my son. He was in and out of foster care for ten years, so maybe we are half way there. Maybe once he has been in this family for ten years or more he will realize that we are not going to ever give up on him. I've heard that it does take that long....one year for each year of abuse. Right now I'm just wishing there weren't soooo many years of abuse.
However there is still that one RADlet. He has decided that since he can't live at home with us he doesn't need us at all. He is trying very hard to get us, his family, out of his mind. Now, I guess, we are at a different part of the journey....a very challenging part. How do we let this RADlet know that we still love him and consider him a son? How do we make sure he feels a part of the family when we only see him once a week?.....when he won't even call home? At times I feel like giving up but I know I can't. I can't give in and give him what he wants. I have to hang in there and be creative in coming up ideas to help him feel like he is still part of the family...like he is still wanted.
I guess I'm learning that this RADical journey is a marathon. Although six years is a long time and was long enough for healing my other children, it was not long enough for my son. He was in and out of foster care for ten years, so maybe we are half way there. Maybe once he has been in this family for ten years or more he will realize that we are not going to ever give up on him. I've heard that it does take that long....one year for each year of abuse. Right now I'm just wishing there weren't soooo many years of abuse.
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