Giving It All To God

I showed the movie "Flywheel" to my small group last night. We just finished studying the book "Life's Healing Choices" by Jon Baker and I think "Flywheel" is a great example of a man going through all those choices. I love to end up that study with a viewing of this movie and each time I show it to a group I get the opportunity to see through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time.



Last night one particular line resonated with me. The movie is about a used car salesman that gives his life to the Lord. He even gives his car lot to God and says it's God's lot and if it goes under it's because the Lord allowed it. That kind of attitude is what I need. The attitude that says, God it's yours and what ever happens is something that You allow.



I have a son that is having difficulties. He is in need of help and we are in the process of trying to find him that help but we keep running into dead ends. I have worried and stressed over this til I've made myself sick. I need to let it go. I need to give my son over to God and realize that even when things don't appear (to me) to go right whatever is happening, God is allowing to happen and He has a reason. I would like to know that reason but in the end I trust God. He is God and I am not. He created my son, put him in my family and loves my son more than I ever could. He has my sons best interests in mind. I just can't see the whole picture from where I stand at the moment.



So today I will say, God my son is yours and if these efforts to help him fail it's because you allowed it. And tomorrow I will have to do the same thing.

Waiting on God

Have you ever been in a situation where you've prayed for direction and thought you had the answer from God only to find out that it's not? Have you ever waited on God to open doors then found one cracked open only to have it slam in your face when you tried to open it further? Have you had to wait years on God to show up in a situation and show you which way to turn?


Well, that's where we are now. We are waiting. We've been waiting for over three years now. Waiting on a job, waiting to see if we need to move, waiting on a placement for our son, waiting on my husband to finish a masters program, waiting on a better financial situation, waiting on our oldest to get it together, waiting on therapy, waiting to see if life will get any easier for us. It hasn't gotten easier. If anything the waiting has added stress.

I want to be one of those Christians that can just give it to God and not stress over it and I try. Praise God for His mercy and grace to forgive me again and again as I try to fix the problems and worry over the details. I am working on letting go and letting God handle it..........it's a process.

What I have figured out over the years is that God is still good and His timing is perfect!! He sees the big pictures and knows the ending to our story. He knows when to call in the cavalry and when to let us struggle. He know what we still need to learn through this situation. And He knows what will best bring Him glory and lead others to Him.

Sometimes others are lead to God by seeing the miracles and big things God does. But other times people are more likely to come to Him by seeing how Christians are able to praise God in bad situations. I'm trying to be the one who points others towards Christ as they see me struggle and still hold on to Him. From my standpoint it would be soooo much easier and better to have God show up and miraculously move these mountains in my life but however He is most glorified. I am willing.

I feel a bit guilty being so dramatic. My story is not a pretty one but I know it could be much worse and that there are many other Christians suffering more than me. There are those who are in danger of losing their life because they follow Christ and live in jeopardy every day. There are those who are living in an abusive situation or living with a debilitating disease or those who are homeless and struggling to just find food for themselves and their families.

Today I will again give my situation to God to take care of and try not to stress. Maybe tomorrow is the day God will open the door to a new and better future for me and my family.

Adoption Day

It has been a long time since I've written on here. Daily life this past year has been overwhelming, but now it's a new year with new opportunities and resolutions so I will once again try to put my thoughts, feeling and views here for those one or two followers to read. Mostly though I will write to try to find the healing that I long for.

Three years ago today we bundled up the family and drove to the court house to officially make our youngest son a Hopkins. We'd had him in our home and loved him and parented him for most of his life but 1/3/08 was the day it became legal. And the day that I gave a huge sigh of relief that he would remain in our home.

Seven months before Christian came into our lives we had adopted four older children and our family seemed to be divided in two. The kids had special loyalties to birth siblings and we just didn't seem like one family. But when we got this little three month old baby, he was every one's brother. We all spoiled him and loved him and cared for him as a family. His just being there made a huge difference.

We even had the opportunity to grieve together over him when he went back to live with his birth mom just after his first birthday. And God graciously gave us the privilege of celebrating his return to our family three months later.

Adoption Day is a big deal in our home. We celebrate every year how God put this family together. Today is Adoption Day for Christian and it will be celebrated by him getting his parents all to himself for an hour or two as we dine at a restaurant of his choice and reminisce about how God brought him to us.

In Your Arms

I recently found a cassette tape that I'd made back in the 80's sometime when I was a college student with dreams of writing music and singing professionally. My kids wanted to hear it so we found a tape player and listened to it together. Some of the songs on the tape I had even forgotten that I had written. Musically they were OK but the words of these songs stuck out to me. How is it that I could have written these songs with such deep meanings at such a young age? Guess it was God who inspired them.

This one in particular still speaks to me as I continue on my journey of healing. Now more than ever I long to be done with this world and move on to the next and spend some time literally in the arms of Jesus.

Where have all the feelings gone?
Why do I feel so numb?
Is it wrong to block out hurt when all these trials come?
Lord, You want me to be strong in You but I don't know if I can.
Satan's coming from my every side pulling my defenses down.

Do You want to take me home as much as I want to go?
Do You want to hold me in Your arms?
I know You've made a place for me where there is no pain or tears.
Father, how I long to be there now, in Your arms.

I couldn't make it if I didn't have You to be there all the time.
Take the hurt when it hurts too bad give me the healing that I long for.
Lord, I know I can be strong with You inside me giving strength.
Satan is no match for me when I've got You deep inside me.

I know You want to take me home as much as I want to go.
But there's still so much work for me to do here.
Someday when the time is right, You'll take me by the hand.
Take me to the place I long to be, in Your arms.

My Three Favorite Christian Novels

Essay #2

My Three Favorite Christian Novels
By Julia Hopkins
5/5/10

Many people enjoy a good novel. Some read for entertainment. They want to be swept away from reality and taken into another world temporarily. They want to run on the beach on some deserted island in the Caribbean or scale a mountain in the Far East. A well-written novel can vicariously take them there. Others want to be educated and may choose to read historic fiction that will teach them about a specific period in time. They can learn what it was like for a slave on the Underground Railroad or what foods were eaten at medieval feasts. I, however, like novels that engage my mind in deeper issues. Books that challenge me to live a better Christian life. My three favorite Christian novels are In His Steps by Charles Sheldon, Soon by Jerry Jenkins, and Yada, Yada Prayer Group by Neta Jackson.

While in college I was given In His Steps by a classmate who claimed that it changed her life. I had never enjoyed reading but began to flip through this book because I respected the person that gave it to me. Before long, much to my surprise, I was engulfed in its pages. This book tells the story of a church group that has an unusual encounter with a homeless person, which teaches them about being the hands and feet of Jesus. They begin to ask themselves, “What would Jesus do?” and vowed to do that very thing, no matter what the consequence for an entire year. The book then chronicles their experiences both good and bad with this new venture of doing everything, living every part of their lives, as Jesus would have them. Naturally, after reading this moving story I began to look at my life and wonder if I were truly being the hands and feet of Jesus. Was I really doing what Jesus wanted or just trying to fit my wants into His will? This book caused me to ask, “What would Jesus do?” before making any decision in my life, big or small. Just as with my college classmate, it changed my life.

Soon by Jerry Jenkins was another book that caused me to think hard about my life as a Christian. It takes place in a fictional world where all religion is outlawed. To be a Christian in this fabricated universe is a criminal act and the Church is forced deep underground. The protagonist starts out as a non-believer in a very high position in government. He is promoted to a special unit that hunts down Christians to have them killed. Then much like Paul in the Bible, this man is blinded and begins his life as a believer after he is healed. This caused me to contemplate my life. I wondered how I would do in a world where worshiping God is illegal. Would I fit in? Would I be killed for my belief? Would anything about my life change at all? These are the provoking thoughts that Mr. Jenkins’ book awoke in me, and why I have read it more than once.

The last book that has seriously affected my walk with Christ is really a series of books by Neta Jackson that center on a group of ladies who meet at a women’s conference in Chicago. These girls have nothing in common yet they form a real and lasting friendship with one another. They are from different ethnic backgrounds, social standings and life circumstances. The only thing that keeps them together is Christ. The Yada, Yada Prayer Group books follow the lives of these women as they live day-to-day and meet up with one another every other week to pray for and encourage one another. It may sound boring to some but it hit me right where I live. I identified greatly with the main character, a preachers kid from a conservative family in Iowa, who moved to Chicago with her husband and kids. She had little experience with city life or other cultures when she first became a part of this group yet she was willing to get out of her box to experience love in a Godly way. After reading these books I began asking myself things like, “Whom do I ask to pray for me when something happens in my life?” And “Am I really a prayer warrior for my friends like these ladies?” Neta Jackson’s books even inspired me to start my own ladies prayer group.

These three books have touched my life deeply. They have caused me to look at my Christian walk in a whole new way. Novels that are entertaining but also have a deeper spiritual message are special. One day I would love to write a book that would touch the life of someone the way these books have touched me. And who knows, maybe my book will be the subject of an essay such as this in the future?

Three Lessons My Kids Taught Me

Essay #3


Three Lessons My Kids Taught Me
By Julia Hopkins
5/7/10

No one ever really stops learning because we will never know everything there is to know. Although, as we become adults much of the knowledge we acquire is less useful than what we learned as a child. Like knowing enough to win a game of Trivial Pursuit or who is on this weeks cover of the tabloids and why. Some admit that everything they needed to know to live a successful life they learned in Kindergarten. I, however, picked up some very valuable nuggets of wisdom once I became a parent. My kids have taught me three very valuable lessons.

One lesson that took me a long time to learn is that things aren’t always what they seem. Closed eyes don’t always indicate a sleeping child. A clean plate might mean a well-fed dog and not a nourished little one. And, an evil laugh should not always be interpreted as a mischievous child. Children sometimes do things that make one wonder if something catastrophic has happened when they are just playing. Unfortunately, some young ones also learn to lie and hide the reality from us. That’s why you can never tell. Things aren’t always how they appear.

To choose your battles wisely is another gem of wisdom I’ve picked up over the years. We all want to be right but being right can be a dangerous thing for which to fight. It tends to place rightness above the relationship. Someone once told me that others will not care how much you know until they know how much you care. I think with this we can add that they will not care if you are right unless they know that you care about them. This is a lesson I have learned from my teens. They tend to think they are right most of the time and only listen to those that have proven their love and concern for them.

Kids do not stay little for long and watching them grow has taught me one last lesson. Life is too short not to have fun. There will always be work to be done, clothes to be folded, floors to be mopped and windows to wash. If we use all our time doing these chores, one day we will look up to notice that our baby isn’t a baby any more and the only thing we will have to show for it is a clean house. Parents need to take the time to play and have fun while making good memories for their children and themselves. Life isn’t always fun however in our family we live by the saying, “Life’s not fair; but you can make it better.” We are not always put into a great life situation but whatever the circumstance, you can make it better by having fun.

These three lessons I didn’t learn until I was a married woman with many children. Maybe you were able to learn these things earlier in life. Or perhaps you’re just learning as you read this essay. Either way, I pray you use these lessons to make your life better.

My Hidden Talents

I recently took an essay class with my two oldest girls that I thoroughly enjoyed. I've decided to share some of the essays I wrote for class here on my blog. I've spent a lot of time away from writing anything. Busy with daily life. Now I am going to try to find the time to begin writing again.

My Hidden Talents
By Julia Hopkins
5/3/10

The audience is filled with curiosity as they watch the little girl enter the stage with a fiddle and a pogo stick. What on earth is she going to do with those two totally unrelated objects? The people wait with bated breath as she balances herself atop the pogo stick. Then very carefully she places the fiddle underneath her chin. The crowd, now silent, watches. Can she do it? Cheers and laughter irrupt from the crowd letting everyone know that she was indeed successful. She has the uncanny ability to play a tune on the fiddle as she bounces on a pogo stick.

“Stupid Human Tricks” is what David Letterman used to call them on his late night talk show. He would have people lined up to perform all kinds of feats. People would fly in from all over the US to show the American public that they can actually lick their own elbow or flatulate to the tune of a popular song. Some may say that this proves that America’s got talent, but I don’t know.

If that’s what one calls talent then I’m not sure I have any. However, an online dictionary defines talent as “a marked innate ability, as for artistic accomplishment, natural endowment or ability of superior quality.” Going by this definition I realize that our Creator gave us all talents. Although I’m pretty sure that He intended them to be known by others and not hidden, there are a couple of things that I’m good at that not many people, other than my family, know about.

First of all, I am a songwriter. I have always lived by the idealistic theory that life is a musical and we are the cast. Every life situation brings with it the opportunity to sing and write your own song to fit the occasion. With my first baby I sang to him a simple lullaby that I composed while I rocked him to sleep. Then as my children grew, I wrote them each a silly song about their name that made them laugh and giggle. But I suppose I began writing songs when I was a teen and received my first guitar. Maybe I don’t write enough to be given the title of songwriter but it is something I enjoy and I believe those who listen enjoy as well.

I also have the ability to keep my children connected in fun and creative ways. Perhaps one would call it creative bonding. At times my children have been given a school assignment that ended with a formal dress, family dinner in which we all affirmed one another with the papers they had written about one specific sibling. Every leap year we pull out a time capsule and read about what the children were like four years ago. Then we create a new paper to go inside the time capsule that tells about each child’s current interests and favorite people. Even a ride in the car can become a lesson in creative bonding when we try to surprise one another with a game we made up called HEY! Having as many children as I do it is difficult to keep them all focused and bonded but with some crazy ideas I think I’ve been able to do a fairly good job.

I may not be able to wiggle my ears or touch my tongue to my nose and I may never appear on David Letterman or America’s Got Talent but these are a few things at which I am talented. In the end, I would rather write a song for my children and keep them bonding with one another than to have my fifteen minutes of fame.

Ten

Tomorrow is my daughters tenth birthday. This is one of the children we adopted so I wasn't present at her birth. Birthdays like this are bitter sweet for me because it reminds me of all I missed out on in her life.

This particular daughter was born ten weeks early with three types of drugs in her system. She really should have died that day but that wasn't in God's plan. She has grown and matured so much in the past ten years, her problems that were there at birth are now just a memory. That amazes me!

Ten is a big deal in the Hopkins household. All ten year olds in our house get a letter on their birthday from mom and dad. This letter not only tells them how much they are loved by God and their parents but it encourages them to become all they can be. It reminds them that they are an important part of God's plan. We try to point out where they've come from and the potential we see in them.

We started this tradition with our oldest son, a birth child, when we saw how hard it was for him during his 'tween years. It meant so much to him that he immediately wrote his sister a letter to tell her how special she was to him. Seeing that showed us that we were onto something.

Now each child in our family gets excited as their tenth birthday approaches. They eagerly anticipate the letter that mom and dad will write specially for them. Last year when another one of my daughters turned ten we sat at the table and read all the ten year old letters from my oldest son's to our newest ten year old.

So tomorrow we are looking forward to a breakfast of Monkey Bread and bacon as ordered by the birthday girl and some special time around the table reading ten year old letters. Then next week we get to do it all again for our next ten year old. Thanks to adoption we have two girls who will turn ten this month. They are only eight days apart. Our "almost twins" give us twice the fun!!

Childhood Memory

Lately I've been reading some books on writing, trying to improve my skills. One book recommended a practice exercise of writing about a childhood memory. I remember doing this as a highschoool student and as a teacher assigning my students this very same exercise. How very different these two experiences were.

When I was the student writing about a childhood memory, it was wonderful to be able to go back in my mind to the small farm my grandparents owned. The house set pretty far off the road and was nothing spectacular but in the back was a natural play land for my cousins and me. Grandpa had a strawberry patch with the biggest and best berries I've ever tasted. (Grandma would fix them with sugar and milk, if they made it into the house). There was a small hill for rolling down, a path to hike and trees to climb. I loved that house and I especially loved my Grandpa. One of my earliest memories is a time when I was supposed to be taking a nap but instead I was watching Grandpa mow the yard with his "baby tractor". Writing about that was fun for me.

Remembering the good experience I had remembering my childhood and writing about it, I asked my older children to write a story about their earliest memory. This writing exercise for them was healing but not much fun. When I assigned this I didn't think much about the early memories of my adopted children. They didn't have much they could or wanted to remember from their days with their birth parents. What they did remember wasn't pretty. One of my kids talked about her first memory....a ride in a police car after being taken by DCF from their apartment. There were memories of a younger sibling climbing on the roof, of being scared and trying to keep the toddler from joining her sister out the window. Memories of feeding the baby peanut butter so it would have something to eat while waiting for birth mom to come home after spending the weekend at the bar. And on and on go the sad tales of these kids. A simple writing assignment brought up so many memories and so much pain. Pain that I can not even imagine. However walking through the pain with them has brought so much healing.

As a family we are learning to praise God for memories, good and bad. We are also gaining the courage to uncover more and more memories so we can work through them and be stronger in faith and character on the other side.

Celebrating the Small Victories

This is a big year for us....this year our youngest is in kindergarten and for the first time in about 14 years I don't have a baby or toddler to entertain while I teach the others in our home school. Guess that would have to count as one small victory and yet it saddens me. I miss having a little one.

Today was the first day of school for the new school year. This year I'm trying to start slowly and get the kids used to the routine little by little. So this morning we slept in a little and didn't start school til about 10am then did about half of what we will do when school hits full swing. Sleeping in certainly counts as a victory!

I wasn't sure what to expect out of the kids as far as excitement level and behavior. I figured it could go either way.....they could be greatly excited and well behaved cause they can't wait for this induction of knowledge OR they could buck the system and complain all day that the public schools haven't started yet. Much to my surprise neither scenario happened. The children got up, got ready and we began school without any major blow ups or whining but no dancing and singing either. Another v-i-c-t-o-r-y.

But the largest victory of the day was my little RADlet who did her school work without a meltdown!! Not one!! Even when she missed problems in math she did not groan in frustration, throw the pencil or tear the pages out of the book. We have made some fabulous progress here!!

So in honor of our small victories I would like to sing a song I learned in church as a child. (Thanks Chuck, for teaching this to me....I still sing it and think of you. Someday I will join you in Heaven and we can sing it again together:)

V is for victory, shout it out, it's a glorious word
V is for victory, it is our through Christ our Lord
Some days may be dark and drear
In Christ the way's all clear
For we have victory, victory in Christ our Lord
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y victory, victory
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y victory, victory

As I sing, I'm doing "the dance"!! Something you are probably glad you can't see;)

What small victories do you have to celebrate? I would love to share in the celebration with you if you'd like to share.

God is Helping Me Handle It

Today my five year old son pooped in the potty! I know, by five that should be old news. Most of my friends kids had that down at two.

But my child is adopted and though we've had him most of his life; he has suffered abuse that has caused him to act out and be less mature than others his age. Being too young to get much help from talk therapy, we have tried to just be patient and understanding about his problems. We use stories and play to help him know the way he should behave.

This morning after his father had helped him in the bathroom, he came to me to tell me that he had made it to the toilet. He was grinning ear to ear...so proud of himself. He looked at me and said, "Mommy, I didn't even get any in my underwear. God is helping me handle it!"

Out of the mouths of babes..... To hear him say that was such and encouragement to me. He is "getting it" and he knows where his help comes from.


Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

You Don't See What I See

It was fall when I was at a friends house and asked to have a picture taken of the two of us. She put up a good fight but in the end I got my picture:) She talked with me later and confessed that she hates to see pictures of herself. But all the flaws that she sees I don't. When I look at that picture I see a wonderful woman who listens to me and understands. Someone who is loving and caring and giving. She just doesn't see what I see.

Well, over the past few weeks, I have tried my hand at drawing. My friend is a talented artist and as I was texting her one day, I mentioned that it would be nice if she lived closer and could give me art lessons. That was my first mistake because she didn't let distance stop her from teaching me art. Now, I am enrolled in the PROMISE school of art!! I sent her a photo of what I want to sketch and she is giving me pointers. I also have to scan and send her samples of my artwork. To be very honest I am sometimes quite embarrassed for her to see my scribbling. But she looks at them and with love tells me what I need to work on. Last week I was telling her how I felt about her seeing my work. She said, "Keep it up because you don't see what I see."

I hate it when my own words are used against me. Well, not so much in this case. I love that she sees something in my pictures. It makes me look a little closer, trying to figure out what it is she does see.

So, here is one of my sketches.....what do you see?

Though None Go With Me

I just got done watching a movie called "Though None Go With Me" and as I type my eyes are full of tears.

The main character in the movie made a commitment to God as a young adult to follow Him unconditionally. Like the song... though none go with me...still I will follow...no turning back...no turning back.

Through out the movie she suffers many losses and questions her faith but continues to follow Christ. At the end of the movie her best friend throws her a party to let her know just how much her life has made a difference. There were people there that she had inspired when she taught Sunday School, a man she counselled in the hospital after a car accident, her granddaughter and so on. It was very touching when she realizes that the little things she had been doing all along did matter even though she never left her small town.

Guess I'm feeling just a little jealous. I think that many of us may not know til heaven what a difference we've made in others lives. That's what makes this journey so hard and keeps us so dependant on God. Maybe if we did know it would go to our heads and we would think we did it under our power not Christ's. I don't know....still, I would love to know if and how I've affected others...for the good (some say I'm a bad influence:)

Although there are very few who have taken the path I have chosen, I can't say I'm alone. God has blessed me with a wonderful, amazing man that I can't imagine life without. I wonder if I would be able to go it alone...that I don't want to find out.

It Could Be Today!!

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.


I guess those words are only encouraging if you know where you're going. If, like me, you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you will be one of the ones caught up with Jesus in the air to join Him in the clouds......these verses are extreemly encouraging!!

Somedays are just harder than others to get through down here, so it is good to look up and see a cloudy day and realize.....it could be today!!

Don't Fight These Hands that are Holding You

When I first started this blog I wrote about how I am God's RADlet. I suffer from attachment disorder just like my children. I am not as bonded to God as I would like to think nor do I respect and love Him the way I should. How much rejection has He suffered from me alone? Then multiply that by how many other of His children may be like me. Wow.

Lately a song has been running through my head a lot. A song that makes me think of the ways I reject God. It's by Tenth Avenue North called "By Your Side". The song is as if Jesus were talking to us and the line that always gets to me is the one that says....Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.

Guess it just makes me think of all the times I have fought Him. I'm sorry, God! Thanks for always being by my side.


BY YOUR SIDE
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night
whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
Yeah My hands are holding you

Look at these hands, and My side
They swallowed the grave on that night When I drank the world’s sin so I could carry you in And give you life, I wanna give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go

Artist: Tenth Avenue North
Copyright Credits: Album: Over And Underneath
Written By: Jason Ingram, Michael Donehey, & Phillip LaRue
Copyright: © 2008 Peertunes, Ltd. / Grange Hill Music / Windsor Way Music / Phillip LaRue Designee

Birthday Surprise

For the past month I have been ready to burst at the seams. I have wanted to write about a fun journey I've been on to surprize my best friend for her birthday. But I was afraid that she would read my blog if I mentioned it here. Now that her birthday surprise is over I can tell you about our special day.

About a month ago, as I was texting Teresa about coming to my house for a visit, I got the idea to drive the two hours to her house, get her in the car and bring her back to my house as a birthday surprise. You see, I've lived in this house for four years now and until yesterday she had not been able to come for a visit (that might have something to do with the fact that she has 10 kids and a husband to care for). So, I contacted one of her young adult sons to help arrange babysitting and made my own childcare arrangements. Then began to plan.

When I walked into the resturant, I saw her sitting with her back to the window, having breakfast with her adult son. Elijah saw me immediately but her view of the door was blocked by a room divider. I told the hostess that I was meeting someone for breakfast then dialed Teresa's number. I saw her pick up her phone and flip it open as I walked toward their table. I tried to keep the excitement from my voice as I asked her what she was doing. Still thinking I was in another state, she explained how Elijah had showed up that morning and offered to take her out to breakfast for her birthday. "So, where are you?" I asked.
"Cracker Barrel"
Smiling I walked closer and asked, "The one in Middletown?"
"Yeah"
Now standing in front of her I said laughingly, "That's funny 'cause that's where I am!"
With that she looked up and saw me. Not knowing what to say she stood to hug me. Then a knowing expression crept over her face and she turned to her son. "Did you know about this?!"
He nodded and explained how I had called him a month before to ask his help with planning and provide babysitting. "Because," I added, "You are leaving with me. We are going to Indiana for the day. I'll make sure you back to your house tonight."
Elijah finished his meal quickly and left us to our special day.

I'm glad to report that Teresa seemed to love the surprise and we had a wonderful day. Best birthday ever was how she described it. Time with good friends is to be cherished.

My Mother is Coming! My Mother is Coming!!

I adore my mother. Honest, open, fair, generous, hospitable, talkative....these are all adjectives that describe my mom. But when she comes to my house things get stressful.

My mom and I are opposites in so many area. She is a "Martha" busy in the kitchen. I am a "Mary" visiting with the guests in the other room. She is neat and organized. I am a free spirit. She is the detail person. I'm the one with the big ideas. Both personalities have their good qualities but they are very different.

With eight kids, a husband and a plethora of animals, our house is rarely clean. It is not filthy and will not be condemned by the health department but it is not picked up either. My mothers house is always in order, always picked up with things rarely if ever out of place. When my mother comes to my house you can imagine why there is stress.

Even at age 43 I still want to make a good impression on my mother when she comes. I try my hardest to get things picked up and the house looking like there is some kind of order to it. When I begin this task, I feel overwhelmed and get cranky. This makes it hard for my kids to enjoy the anticipation of waiting for Mamaw and Papaw to get here from Florida.

When my children are told to help clean the house they will almost always ask, "Who's coming over?!" (OK, I realize that in and of itself shows that I have a housekeeping problem.) When they find out that Mamaw is coming the groan is loud and long. They know that this means even more cleaning and putting away than we would do for just a normal guest.

By reading the title, you may have figured out already what is going on in my house right now. My parents are on their way up North and we are getting ready. I have sounded the alarm, "My Mother is coming! My Mother is coming!" and the children are working as they groan.

I know that once she gets here all will be well. They love my mother as do I. We just don't like preparing for her arrival.

Missing Sherry

I believe that God puts people in out lives for a reason and sometimes just for a season. That's how it was with Sherry. Meeting her was definitely a "God Thing".

She, like everyone else in the church, noticed me pile into the pew in front of her with all my kids, week after week. My husband being the minister meant that Sundays were like single parent days for me. Unlike all the other church members, Sherry and her husband noticed little things about us as well...like the fact that my eyes seemed tired and my kids were just a little more rambunctious than others. She asked God how to help and got an answer she didn't expect.

During a sermon one Sunday she passed a note to me that read...."Can we take your kids home with us and bring them back tonight?" She explained that she felt God leading her to help me in this way. I was shocked but, at the time, that is exactly what I needed.....a break from the chaos. So, after the service, we handed our children over to a couple who had no children of their own and no real experience in the area of caring for kids.

As odd as it all seemed, my children quickly fell in love with Sherry and her husband. I believe the feeling was mutual because soon after that the kids began weekly visits at Sherry's house. We called these "Sherry Days". My week consisted of Sunday, Monday, Sherryday, Wednesday...etc.

Not only were the kids taken with Sherry but I was finding her to be a wonderful friend and found myself looking for excuses to go to her house without kids. We would talk or read the Bible together. And because she loved the outdoors we would find our selves in the garden or watching animals on her property. Those were wonderfully calming days in the midst of some very tough times.

During this difficult part of our journey, these two wonderful people became an extended family for us. They joined us for Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. This relationship was a breath of fresh air for me. Soooo much was going on with our RADlets, that I was feeling overcome and overwhelmed. God knew what I needed and in His goodness He provided.

But like many things God gives us, this was only for a season in our lives. Sherry got sick and the cancer made Sherrydays difficult. We drifted apart and although I try to keep in touch, it's just not the same. My home is much less chaotic now but still I miss those days and I miss Sherry. I understand that I don't NEED that time as much anymore. God gave me Sherry only for a season.

Longer Than I Expected

After our little "graduation celebration" with our therapist I was thinking that maybe this RADical journey of ours was close to an end. Most of our RADlets are like different children. Those who have met them in the last year would never ever believe the things we have had to live through. Our children are happy, healthy and generally fun to be around. They are far from perfect but now most of our issues are just normal kids things.

However there is still that one RADlet. He has decided that since he can't live at home with us he doesn't need us at all. He is trying very hard to get us, his family, out of his mind. Now, I guess, we are at a different part of the journey....a very challenging part. How do we let this RADlet know that we still love him and consider him a son? How do we make sure he feels a part of the family when we only see him once a week?.....when he won't even call home? At times I feel like giving up but I know I can't. I can't give in and give him what he wants. I have to hang in there and be creative in coming up ideas to help him feel like he is still part of the family...like he is still wanted.

I guess I'm learning that this RADical journey is a marathon. Although six years is a long time and was long enough for healing my other children, it was not long enough for my son. He was in and out of foster care for ten years, so maybe we are half way there. Maybe once he has been in this family for ten years or more he will realize that we are not going to ever give up on him. I've heard that it does take that long....one year for each year of abuse. Right now I'm just wishing there weren't soooo many years of abuse.

A Leader in the Making

Our oldest son is a youth ministry intern for the summer at a very small, country church. He is young but has always been beyond his years. He was ready for kindergarten by two but we held him off til four. By six he was campaigning against abortion (and yes, he knew what it was and why he was against it). At nine he was into the elections and had collected signs for our yard. We said he could stay up to find out who would be our next president but eventually we had to send him to bed and explain to him what hanging chads were. When he became a teen, he thought he was ready for the world. I know that all teens think they know everything but this son went way beyond that.

This past week his church did VBS and I took my little ones. We stayed at his house for the week. (that is...the house, owned by the church, that they are letting him live in for the summer....aka....the parsonage) Although from the outside this looked like a house, the inside was more like one huge dorm room. The only thing in the fridge....2 pot pies and a pack of hot dogs. In the cabinet were snack foods. The beds were unmade; there were clothes along with x box games and DVDs on the floor. A few books and Bibles were on tables near by (that part was encouraging:)

Don't know what I expected. Maybe I thought since he'd always been so much ahead of himself in life that he would keep his house a little more.....clean and organized.

I must say that when I went to the church, the people all had good things to say about the job he'd done so far. Guess there really isn't a correlation between the way he keeps his house and the way he does his job. He apparently is a good leader, just not a good housekeeper.